Trusted Local News

Dallas Cowboys Philosopher Micah Parsons: 41-7 Loss to Eagles Was Actually Close If You 'Take Away the Scoreboard'

  • Eagles

"[The Eagles] had two big runs and three good deep shots. Other than that, we made 'em earn it . . . So really, take away the scoreboard, and it was about five plays that decided this game."

Excellent point, Micah Parsons. When you think about it like that, did the Eagles really even win? Like, if you take away the 41-7 score and anything the Eagles did to make it 41-7?

Just fantastic, pharmaceutical-grade copium from Parsons on this loss. He's possibly messing with experimental copium developed by the U.S. military on this one. Copium 1000x stronger than anything that has previously graced the planet Earth.

Some reactions:

Don't worry, Parsons. You'll be an Eagle one day

Just don't bring this mindset with you.

author

John Foley

Before joining OnPattison.com, John Foley was a Phillies beat writer for PHLY Sports and the founder of a popular independent Phillies newsletter. He has provided nontraditional local sports coverage since 2013. Foley grew up in the Kensington neighborhood of Philadelphia. He's a proud product of the Philadelphia public school system, a Penn State grad, and a Georgetown Law alum. A licensed attorney, he sits on the board of the Papermill Food Hub, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit dedicated to helping families in need throughout the city. Find him on your favorite social media: @2008philz.